Immediately after I wrote the previous post, my wife read it, and she and I talked about it. For a variety of reasons she took me to task for what I wrote, and after thinking about it, I have decided to change my mind about a couple things, the most important being the whole question of "foregiveness". I suppose I should apologize to someone, but I'm not sure who, so I'll just say, "I'm sorry", and be about what I want to do.
An Open Letter to Ted Haggard:
Dear Mr. Haggard,
Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! My name is Geoffrey Kruse-Safford, and I like you am a fellow Christian. I am writing as a fellow-Christian, a brother in the family of God, united by the Holy Spirit in the great fellowship that worships the God who has created us, loves us as we are, and offers us a chance for change and hope for final victory over sin and death. I would hope that you take what I have to say in the Spirit in which it is offered, one of love and concern for a brother who has stumbled but through God's grace shall never fall.
Specifically, I am writing to you concerning your recent completion of "therapy" for your sexual confusion, and all that surrounds the events that led to your very public and painful fall from public favor last autumn. My concern here is that, quite honestly, I do not believe you have dealt honestly with the problem of your own sexual confusion, and the damage such confusion has wrought to yourself, your family, your church, or the public at large. As President of the National Association of Evangelicals, you were in a position of some authority, speaking on behalf of millions of faithful Christians around the country. During the time in which you were leading your double life, you were vocal concerning issues of gay rights, specifically arguing that such demands were a demand for "special rights"; that same-sex marriage was a threat to traditional marriage, indeed to the very social fabric; that any recognition of the legitimacy of same-sex desire posed such a threat.
One of my fervent wishes was that you would have emerged from your sexual counselling with a greater awareness of the nuances of your own sexuality; specifically, I would have hoped for a statement in which you acknowledged a certain level of same-sex desire. You need not have come out as a gay man; bisexuality, or even a certain ambivalence concerning exclusively heterosexual feelings is neither unknown nor would it have been surprising considering your own actions and life choices. I was sad, therefore, to read that you are "definitely heterosexual". I would have hoped for a more honest assessment of your own sexuality.
I say this because it leads me to two points. First, I do not believe you have dealt at all with your own sexual confusion in anything like an honest way. This failure tells me that you are still living within a view of the world in which your greatest sin was committing same-sex acts. Second, this lack of self-awareness, this refusal to honestly appraise yourself and your actions, and the depth of national anger aimed at you, is exacerbated by your refusal to denounce your previously-held positions vis-a-vis the social position of gays and lesbians.
As to the first point, by refusing to deal honestly with the problem, and seeking a cure for something that is not a sickness, you are not facing the problem as it exists; you are still living within some kind of bubble of denial in which, if you can only rid yourself of desire for men, you will be cleansed of sin. Same-sex desire is no sin; love is never wrong. Your sin was not gay sex. Your sin is lying - to yourself, to your family, to your church - concerning the reality of your own sexual ambiguity. Had you emerged with a statement in which you not only acknowledged that ambiguity, but accepted it as how God has made you, and therefore part of the good creation that is Ted Haggard, I would have rejoiced.
Instead, you continue to deny who you are, and I fear you will fall back, not necessarily with Mike Jones, but perhaps other willing partners, professional or otherwise. We lie to ourselves best, because there is no one to hold us accountable. Unfortunately, the psychological toll is tremendous, and when the break occurs, it can be devastating, as you have learned. I would pray for your sake, for your family's sake, that you open yourself to new possibilities, including the grace to accept a less rigid understsanding of human sexuality in general, and your own in particular.
As to the second point, my own anger and frustration with your refusal to acknowledge not just the reality but the legitimacy of ambiguous sexuality is compounded by your silence on issues of gay and lesbian rights. One would have hoped that, having been shown publicly to be sexually confused, you would have made certain retractions of public statements and positions concerning the place of gays and lesbians in the church and in the life of our country. As you refuse to countenance the reality of your own tendency to enjoy the company of other men, however, I doubt whether you would consider such retractions as warranted. You need to understand, however, that the public positions you have held have injured people, as you were part of a larger socio-political movement that sought to deny to those like yourself who have same-sex attraction any place in our national life. You have a responsibility not only to be honest with yourself about your own sexual ambiguity, but to those who have suffered in part because of your very public stance and work to make amends.
As a Christian brother, I am offering my help by giving you the opportunity to be accountable for your actions, both personal and public. In light of all the events surrounding your removal from the pulpit, and the very public nature of the pronouncements concerning your own sexuality, I do not feel untoward in making this offer. I believe it encumbent upon all Christians to hold each other accountable. Jesus said to those whom he healed, "Go, and sin no more." First, you need to recognize the reality of your sin was not performing gay sex. Your sin was breaking faith with your family, and refusing to confront the reality of your own sexuality in a way that was either healthy or honest. As you continue to refuse to do so, I would ask that you consider the option that you are, in fact, if not a gay man, a man who certainly has same-sex desire. It may take time to discipline these feelings, put them in their proper place, and continue to live a life of integrity and honesty. But first, you must make public a statement that you are not "definitely heterosexual" because that is simply not true. Honesty about yourself is the necessary first step to true healing, and a true assesment of what actually took place last fall.
Second, I would insist that part of your accountability would be to read what you have written and said, whether from the pulpit, in conferences, news conferences, even in private correspondence, that in any way is discriminatory or harmful to sexual minorities. I would then insist that, like St. Augustine at the end of his life, you print a book, the proceeds of which would go to the church of your choice for education on sexual realities in the church today, entitled Retractions in which you would publicly denounce any previous such statement you had made, and offer detailed reasons as to why that statement is wrong. Such a public conversion, the metanoia demanded by Scripture and tradition as a sign of true salvation, would serve as a sign that you were now dealing honestly with the reality not only of your own sexual ambiguity, but also dealing with the reality of sexual variety as part of God's good creation. Such a public statement of error would be followed by tireless efforts on your part, working for the full inclusion of gays and lesbins into the life of the society and the church. Surely you must recognize this double necessity. It would not be "penance" in the traditional sense, but rather an honest outgrowth of your own recognition that life and human beings are more complex and wonderful than you used to believe true, and that such complexity is a part of the mystery that is God's creation.
I offer this letter in the Spirit of love that unites us, the Spirit of faith tha guides us, and the Spirit of hope that offers us comfort in times of affliction. I would also offer the same your wife and family, as they struggle through these difficult times of change. Hold fast to what is good, St. Paul wrote, and that would be first those who love you. May God's peace and mercy and love shine in you and through you, sir.
In Christ,
Geoffrey Kruse-Safford
Virtual Tin Cup
