So if you are presenting your gift at the altar and suddenly remember that your brother has a grievance against you, leave your gift where it is before the altar. First go and make your peace with your brother; then come back and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24 (REB)And I said yesterday this site might be inactive for a while . . .
This post is dedicated to one purpose. I need to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I pushed the little button on the page to show my support for the upcoming DC SlutWalk, which has a page on Facebook. In the process, I goaded a friend who has expressed a contrary view regarding the movement, which I wrote about back in June. I did that, knowing full well it would bring a response. After receiving a response, I carried on an argument on and off throughout the day, rather than just letting the matter lie.
I woke up this morning with a deep feeling of shame, about purposefully drawing someone in to an argument, then carrying on like a child. The thought of two middle-aged, well-educated, thoughtful, men acting like a couple teenagers is embarrassing enough. The fact that it all stemmed from a willful act of childish prodding on my part made it that much worse. That it occurred in a public forum, before many witnesses makes me feel deeply ashamed of myself. To first pick, then carry on, an argument over something that, in the course and run of life, is of such little importance really makes me feel like quite the idiot. That I did all this to another, a person whose views I respect, whose life story I admire, whose intelligence, thoughtfulness, and insight - even when they differ from mine - are all sources of inspiration, giving me pause and cause to reflect, makes it all the worse.
Perhaps it is of little consequence. All the same, my own sense is that I need, for the sake of my own equanimity and peace of mind and heart, to apologize. I was rude, childish, stubborn, and not at all acting in a manner I should. For that, I wish to apologize. Perhaps, in time, I can gain enough wisdom to stop behaving in such a ridiculous fashion.