Friday, May 20, 2011

More Fun Than Should Be Allowed By Law (UPDATE)

Newton Leroy Gingrich is running for the Republican nomination for President of the United States. For anyone this side of deranged, this is a gift, a bit of grace that history has bestowed in this hour of economic stagnation and shallow public discourse. After all, the guy is the defender of civilization, right?
In one note, written as a prep for a two-day Republican conference in December 1992, Newt described himself as an "advocate of civilization, defender of civilization, teacher of the rules of civilization, arouser of those who form civilization, organizer of the pro- civilization activists, and leader 'possibly' of the civilizing forces."
Just the other day, Newt returned to this theme.
The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment's cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won't be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.
Anyone reading this would be quite right to wonder why the prescription wasn't renewed.

Yet, this isn't just "someone". This is Newton Leroy Gingrich.

Along with the delusional rambling above, he has also done the legwork, attempting to walk back his criticisms of Paul Ryan (R-WI) and his plan to end Medicare, showing up on Rush, then going after mild-mannered David Gregory, even going so far as to claim an innocence in the face of Sunday talkshows that is laughable in the extreme. Newt's first week has not been stellar, to be sure, but we do have the joy of his flowering psychosis to soothe our withered nerves.

Hazarding a guess, Newt's candidacy will probably last a bit longer than The Donald's, but end just the same, a flameout as he realizes that the crowds have come to laugh at him. His second trophy wife, no doubt one of many candidates for the position, who no doubt went through a lengthy recruitment process, should be worried, as Newt may well seek to console his shattered ego by searching for yet another arm-decoration. All in all, the only harm done to anyone will be to poor Callista Gingrich, who should know better.

It will be fun, though. I can't help myself in thinking that.

UPDATE: It is better than I could have imagined.

Virtual Tin Cup

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