I might get in trouble with the wife for this . . .
Here's the situation. A teenage girl has been attending our Wednesday night activities for a couple years. Her behavior is not what one would call "appropriate" for church. A couple weeks ago, she showed up with "Fuck You" written on her shoes (a woman handed her a Sharpie and told her in no uncertain terms that it was to be colored over). The situation has reached a head; several young people have stopped coming because of her behavior. Some of those who seem to "get" what Church is about have taken a lead in demanding a certain conformity of behavior. It was decided that this girl would not be allowed to attend the final two Wednesday nights, nor attend the youth lock-in at Laser Quest (a whole night of laser tag . . .). When Lisa told me this, and asked my opinion, I was blunt.
First, no Church should ever . . . EVER . . . tell anyone that their presence is not wanted. For any reason. Rather, this is an opportunity for the youth, indeed the whole congregation, to learn what it means to be the Church for someone. Rather than being banned, she should be invited back. I told Lisa that those young people who have decided to stop attending should be invited back, and a group discussion should be held on the issue of forbearance, forgiveness, and the opportunity to extend grace to someone who, through behavior and demeanor, works overtime at being unlovable. I suggested to Lisa that this coming Wednesday, she and this young girl sit and talk; why does she come to Wednesday nights? What is she looking to get out of the experience? What has she received?
I told Lisa that this is an opportunity for everyone - to learn, to grow. To love.
Lisa spoke of "safety" - yet it was always in terms of those whose feelings had been hurt. She spoke of "balance" and the "tension" between grace and accountability. I offered the suggestion that the young people who had stopped coming were not being held accountable for their actions - for not continuing to extend love and grace and the hope of community to someone whose actions seem to demonstrate no understanding of appropriateness. I spoke of the parable of the lost sheep; Jesus spoke of the shepherd going off to find the lost lamb, not of first securing the rest of the flock, or making sure they were safe first. Off the shepherd goes.
Finally, I told Lisa that I wondered what the reaction of Church leadership would have been had this entire situation concerned not whether or not certain behaviors are or are not appropriate, but rather concerned race. Lisa thought the analogy inapt. I do not. "Appropriateness" and "race" are social constructs. Were people reacting to a young woman only because she was African-American, I know that Lisa would be in an uproar, and rightly so. Now, however, a young woman is, in effect, not acting as a proper middle-class girl "should" - why, everyone is in a lather about it.
Thoughts? Opinions?
