My first reaction was, "Wow, someone quoted me!" and I was patting myself on the back. Of course, then I considered what the words quoted were, and I wondered if I had been as prudent I could have been in using them. Of course, the context in which the words appeared should have disabused anyone from the notion that I was doing anything other than using hyperbole as an attempt at humor. The fact that I was thinking through the speech given by the President should have led most to realize that I took his words very seriously. Indeed, I do, and am frightened by them, but that is not the point here.
Then I thought of another context in which to consider my words. As someone who claims to be, and actually is, a Christian, how does such a phrase reflect on me, my claims to faithfulness and all that entails, and how others, newly come to my blog, might perceive me and what I write. It was then that I remembered the words of St. Paul, in which he admonishes people to a certain circumspection and discretion; he acknowledges that the freedom granted through grace permits "all things", but that those who either don't believe or know nothing of the Christian faith may not understand how such radical freedom, rooted in love, can sometimes lead people to do things that seem, well, outlandish. In other words, I am more than free to say whatever I want, but I have to remember there are consequences to what I say, and that part of these consequences are a certain reflection back on the faith. I have a responsibility to make sure there is no bad reflection on being a Christian just because I feel free to talk about consuming vomitus.
After thinking about that, I was all ready to take back what I wrote, pronounce multiple mea culpas, and sit and listen to Rush Limbaugh this afternoon as penance.
Actually, all I thought about doing was the first thing. I felt real remorse, because I realized that I may have led some to question my bona fides as a Christian, and as someone to be taken seriously.
After several hours of guilt and anguish, I realized that I was flogging myself for no reason. My expression of disdain for Bush's speaking abilities may have been a bit over the top, and if that was all I had written, then perhaps I should indeed be dismissed as a foul-mouthed crank. Yet, it was only a small part of a much longer piece that took seriously the President's words and their implications for the country and the world. Those who may have come across them only through the link provided by NPT could read the whole piece, or limit themselves to thinking I was shallow, nasty, and disgusting. I am not responsnible for other's thoughts or actions, especially as I had provided enough information on my own, and within the piece in which this one phrase appears, to disabue anyone from the idea that I was shallow, nasty, or disgusting - at least in this instance.
I do not necessarily "stand by" these words. What I do stand by is the piece I wrote, which was a stream-of-consciousness analysis of certain implications drawn from reflection upon the President's speech. I relied for part of that upon pieces written by other bloggers, journalists, and my own ability to draw conclusions from certain principles. I offered my own views on my own preferences as to whether or not to sit and watch or listen to the President by way of preface only.
I will not deny a certain conflict within myself; there is the possibility there was something impolitic if not downright un-Christian in my turn of phrase, reflecting poorly upon myself and my claims to being a faithful Christian. My only defense is that I am only human, am far from perfect, and need to work on being better at many, many things. I will not withdraw the comment, however, nor repudiate it, because it is out there, and accurately reflects how I felt at the time, and should not be taken seriously in any event because it was never meant seriously.
There is also this. I almost quoted a character, David Horton, from the British sit-com The Vicar of Dibley who replied, when asked if he would like to taste the latest batch of cooking from notoriously horrid chef Letitia Cropley:
I would sooner eat my own scrotum.
Had I said that, I might have something to apologize for.
